Too Many Tevyes: If The World Were A Rich Man

finefrockaby Steve Finefrock, founder Hollywood Conservative Forum

Ban that third staircase! Pass a law, quickly….

There are too many Tevyes in the world – and more are en route, so it is vital, absolutely VITAL, that the regulators Ban Tevye’s Dream. At the lead of this pack of wolves of regulatory incursion into Tevye’s Dream is Der Terminator himself, California’s Governator Benedict Arnold.

Ya like those plasma TV screens? Better fasten your seatbelts, Tevye – Der Governators are about to ban ‘em unless they meet energy mandates, set by burrocrats. You know the burrocrats: slow-moving, stubborn, self-centered little weasly beasts that refuse to adapt and adopt with the rest of reasonable society.

What wisdom is there in film? Consider economic wisdom in “Fiddler on the Roof” with its examination of a simple man with simple hopes dashed on the rocks of political and social turbulence. He can’t even get his daughters to abide by ‘tradition’ in choosing husbands. And he appeals to God, asking why he can’t be a rich man. Today, he’d have to appeal to the burrocrats and regulators and governators who would wag their shaming index finger – or middle finger – at his desire to express his wealth in a third staircase.

Were Tevye to achieve wealth, his hope fills the ears of the audience:

I’d build a big tall house with rooms by the dozen,
Right in the middle of the town.
A fine tin roof with real wooden floors below.
There would be one long staircase just going up,
And one even longer coming down,
And one more leading nowhere, just for show.

But not if Benedict Arnold Schwarzenegger and his allies on the left in California’s legislature have their way. Those big screen TVs – plasma screens rich with LEDs and high-resolution technology – would be as showy as that staircase leading nowhere, just for show. Already the regulators and instigators of socialism tell us we soon will no longer be “free to choose” incandescent bulbs: they will be banned, forcing us to buy more expensive and mercury-rich fluorescent ‘swirl’ versions.

To save the planet, of course. It’s for our own good.

To ‘save the planet’ we got nationally set rules forbidding toilet tank sizes above Congress-mandated visions of what we could be “free to choose” for ourselves. Too much water being used, said the burrocrats – so, tanks had to be smaller, limited by a Mandate From Heaven, or rather from liberals’ heaven: Washington, D.C.

The Result: often one has to flush twice, to dispense with the lingering, remaining ‘solid matter’ that once was readily sent on its sewery way with a single flush of larger volume.


And if Tevye wants to spend more on his electric bill, who is to say he’s any less entitled to be “free to choose” than he once was free to have a larger toilet tank? Governators run amok in telling us how to live our lives. Toilet tanks, light bulbs, and now TV set efficiency standards. Some set nationally, others in Callyfornya, where californication is becoming a national, irrational political-economic sport.

Californicate this, Arnold: Tevye should be as “free to choose” excessive electric consumption, if he chooses to divert his wealth in that direction, as Al Gore is entitled to burn jet fuel in his private plane. Might we ban rich displays by lighting a $50 cigar with a burning, crisp $100 bill? Call out the firemen, akin to those in “Fahrenheit 451”!

If I were rich, I’d have the time that I lack
To sit in the synagogue and pray.
And maybe have a seat by the Eastern Wall.
And I’d discuss the holy books with the learned men, several hours every day.
That would be the sweetest thing of all.

Would the governators think Tevye was wasting his time? Maybe a mandate he spend his time at home, rather than expensive travel costs to visit Jerusalem, maybe forced through tax code manipulations that he donate that price of “waste” to a noble cause. Can’t encourage idleness, even holy idleness, by a man who should be ‘encouraged’ by tax law to do the socially-responsible thing.

Mein Got, the little Jew bastard wants to have three staircases in his house! Isn’t that proof of the waste of the rich?

As Bill Maher has frequently ranted that gold-faucets in a rich home was proof and justification for heavy taxation of such idiotic expenditure – even as he spent his money on whores and limousines – so the governators in the land of californication are arriving soon to the nation’s capitol, by executive jet for the inaugural of the National Governator and his governator allies in the national legislature. Look for your life to be regulated and mandated – to be “free to choose” will include abortions for 14-year old girls, but not to access marketplace offerings of the ‘wrong kind’ of light bulb.

Or maybe to save energy, they’ll mandate that manufacturing of thermostats be rigged – by law and penalty of imprisonment – so one cannot ‘choose’ to use ‘too much’ heat or air conditioning, even if it is within one’s possible budget to so enjoy the realm of success and wealth. If Congress can tell you how much water to use in a flush, or bulbs to find on the market shelves at Walmart, or TV consumption rates, why not also regulate our thermostat? Not so ridiculous to the governators – indeed, there is danger, in merely mentioning this ‘idea,’ as a ridicule of the risible, that someone in Congress just might find this a genuinely suitable suggestion for an actual law with actual penalties. [Maybe Senator Franken’s first new idea, or Caroline’s, or Burris!]

More and more folks around the world now want those plasma TVs, and satellite dishes, a huge array of Third-staircases – to display their newly-acquired and long-sought personal and national wealth, to enjoy their lives, and publicly express the joy of new achievement that represents finding their dream, their gold at the end of the rainbow. This bothers the lefty governators, who religiously cleave to the belief of regulation as superior to the market. Since capitalism has had its less successful inning lately, they want to exploit this error of effort on Wall Street, as an excuse to rig the entire game into a socialist scheme.

Lord who made the lion and the lamb,
You decreed I should be what I am.
Would it spoil some vast eternal plan?
If I were a wealthy man.

Oh, yes Tevye – the Vast Eternal Plan is sovietology known as sociology and central planning. The Invisible Hand of Adam Smith – the combined market-driven forces of millions of Tevyes making individual free choices, in their own lives, every day exercising “free to choose” options – is now denounced by the MSNBC crowd and maniacs, in favor of the GREEDY HAND of governators and taxin’ators and aggravators.

If there are too many wealthy men and women, across the globe building those wasteful, showing third-staircases of wasteful excess, the governators will wring their hands in disgust, and seek to create a global governatorship – maybe Arnold will qualify for that, as a natural-born World Citizen.

TOO MANY TEVYES, building too many McMansion triple-staircase displays of obscene bragging wealth, filled with too many energy-slurping plasma flatscreens. One staircase per Tevye – and that one set of stairs will be subject to rigid size and opulence limitations. Enforced by burrocrats, working out of the national, or world, Capitol.

Thus we will move from capitalism to Capitolism.

Tevye can be wealthy, but only if (1) he meekly submits to heavy taxation like a meek lamb, and (2) he submits, meekly and obediently, to control of his toilet tank, light bulbs and TV sets. No lion among the Tevyes: meek obedience to the lions of legislation and regulation. Submit lambly and lamely to any other damned thing the capitolists demand he forfeit from his ever-dwindling menu of “right to choose” options.

The most important men in town would come to fawn on me!
They would ask me to advise them,
Like a Solomon the Wise.
“If you please, Reb Tevye…”
“Pardon me, Reb Tevye…”
Posing problems that would cross a rabbi’s eyes!
And it won’t make one bit of difference if I answer right or wrong.
When you’re rich, they think you really know!

No problem, on this Earth of capitolists, would cross the eyes of the political rabbis who demand mandates like a slew of Mammy Yocums decrying, “I has spoken” on the matter. When you’re rich with power of mandates, you think you really know what is “best” for everyone else.

Unless those rules apply to you, the governator-capitolist, of course.

Capitalists: believe in the Invisible Hand, borne of the Wisdom of Crowds voting daily, hourly, by the minute and second, in purchases voluntarily made in the pursuit of happiness and satisfactions in the marketplace.

Capitolists: believe in the heavy, Greedy Hand of governatorship and regulatorship, all in the interest of the Larger Good, for Idealistic Reasons of course.

Which mentality seeks more Tevyes on the planet? Which wag their middle-finger at Tevyes around the world? Which would receive Tevye’s vote in an open election [not the kind giving us Clown Franken in the Senate!]? Which system encourages more Tevyes? Which discourages such eager enthusiasm in the creative realm?

Too many Tevyes? Ask your liberal friends if there are too many, today and prospectively in the world’s future. On that question and its answer hangs the future of Obama The One [OTO] implementation of the mania, about to swirl like a sky filled with locusts on this January 20th. There will be few Tevyes in that crowd. And there will be potful of pot-filled, pot-bellied anti-Tevyes watching the inaugural, cheering thru their weed-haze, viewing it on their own big-screen plasma flat-screen TV.

Plasma fer thee, liberals, but not for Tevye. Or for any of OTO’s millions of minions.

Think about that next time you view “Fiddler on the Roof” – it’s more precarious a political setting we are entering than that lyrical fiddler must confront in maintaining his balance. And playing his tune. And keeping his wits.

Which are you, OTO: Capitalist, or Capitolist?

copyright 2009 Steve Finefrock

Finefrock is founder of Hollywood Forum, a speaker-bureau and panel-discussion vehicle to “Bring the Potomac to the Palisades” on issues that overlap politics and culture with the Hollywood film-TV influence on such national concerns. His scripts have addressed politics [including a TV series pilot/bible package about state political combat, called “A State of the Union”], hazardous materials [from twelve years in emergency management, including six years managing FEMA’s Superfund curriculum for hazmat], terrorism, equestrian reincarnation, serial murderer killing journalists in the nation’s capitol, and fantasy about time-wasters. Finefrock is proprietor of PhoneBooth: The Smallest Space in Hollywood…


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